Chuck Norris Facts . com

This is different site. Weird. Yet oddly funny.

Here are a few examples:

• When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
• They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
• In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
• Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
• There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
• One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.
• Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.
• The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.

Another Football Moment

Here's another wonderful moment in the world of college football -- specifically a shot of the Arkansas Razorbacks.

Anyone want to take a stab at a caption?

Equality Of The Sexes

Truly, one of the last great barriers between the sexes has been vanquished.

Now -- to the unrequited delight of millions -- women can at last write their names in the snow.

You read it right: ladies everywhere can now pee on the move -- just like their Y-chromosomed brethren. All thanks to the incredibly resourceful folks at WHIZAWAY.com. These limie masterminds created a simple, yet affordable prosthetic (The Whiz...image right) that a woman can attach to...er, I mean hold against...uh, well, you get the idea. The undesirable liquid fruits of her labors then flow quickly and neatly away from her body or clothing and into the ditch (or filthy truck stop toilet) of her choosing.

God, but I love science.

Incidentally, below is an image from their brochure. It appears -- and I did not know this -- that there's not much women can't bond over. Another advantage, as I see it. And who knew peeing was more about freedom than anything else. Life, Liberty and The Pursuit of Upright Urination -- now that's democracy. Viva la pee!

Great Day For Blogging

Well, I'm begining to slowly come back up for air. Schedule's been nuts, lately.

Checking headlines today made me realize I'm in dire need of posting. Here's a few current gems:

• What they say happened: This guy -- a Florida State Senator -- got busted for putting state employees (his staff) to work on a re-election campaign. It's a felony, though a minor one. To avoid a TV crew, he bails out da back door and is videoed jumping a fence. Love it.
  
  What really happened: The good senator galloped out of Dodge when representatives of the Illinois GOP showed up in his office on a recruiting trip. Evidentally, they mistook him for Alan Keyes whom they want to lure into the race as Topinka's Lt. Govenor. While I can't speak for the good senator, I can say with some degree of confidence that they don't make fences tall enough to keep me from getting away from that particular offer.
  
  
• Women Beat BINGO Winner To Death
  When you're playing a game -- let's say Monopoly -- there's that one guy you learn to hate. The one that wins and wins and wins and then smirks that gleefully haughty smirk of the ass as you loose and loose and loose. That jerk. That proposterously overblown, obnoxious, tiny-penised little twit. You just want to rip out his eyes, put 'em on a fork, stick 'em in the flames and watch 'em burn and bubble till they pop!!!
  
  Er...at least I've heard some people would like to do that. The kicker in this story, though, is the winner was a guy named Yousif Youkhana -- obviously a good catholic, supporting his church, paying for missions, etc. And the perps are four dark-hearted grannies of death (I kid you not). It seems, after the game, the ladies approach him, demand his $1,000 winnings, and then beat the Allah-worshiping crap out of him when he fails to produce the green.
  
  I'm thinking death's a tall step up from admitting you got your butt whooped by four blue-hairs at the parlor. But then, that's just me. Regardless, he can chalk this one up to "I-8...The Big One."
  
  So if you're one of those smirking, grinning, giggling little asses of a winner -- and you know...oh, yesssss, you know -- it's time to wake up, pardner. You're on notice. The Reaper is rolling the ball...and yours might be the lucky number he calls.
  
  
• Yaweh, Mahn.
  Speaking of people I hate. The psuedo-pretentious, neuvo-hip music-is-my-life prigs (PPNHMIMLPs). They disdain anyone who has sold more than a million records. They charish the undiscovered, the unknown, the "I-found-them-and-you-didn't" bands that they trump over one another like they're trading a Matisse or something.
  
  Having said (written) that, I'm now gonna tell you about one of those artists not a lot of people know about -- but only because I genuinely enjoy this guy's work and would like to see him make more of it (Translation: buy his songs.) I am not, repeat NOT, becoming a PPNHMIMLP.
  
  The guy's name is Matisyahu and he's (again, I kid you not) and orthodox jew reggae artist. So check him out. And ignore the fan reviews. They seem to be from a group of NY-area weenies that "saw him lay live" and "first discovered him" and "feel he's selling out to the studios" and a load of other crap spewed from their tight little PPNHMIMLPs butts.
  
  Just remember, though. I found him first.